FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Donnelly's Communications Division
Local 6 Counties Utility Provider Pioneers Bold New Strategy Of Telling Paid-Up Customer Their Bill Is Unpaid
Industry observers divided on whether this represents
"innovation" or "a basic systems failure"
BELFAST, 31 March 2026 — In what internal
sources are describing as "a landmark moment in post-payment customer
engagement," a leading electric utility provider this week successfully
dispatched not one but two SMS notifications to a customer who
had already paid their bill in full, industry sources have confirmed.
The customer, who had committed the apparent oversight of
settling their account in a timely and correct manner, was subsequently
informed by automated message that action may be required — despite no action
being required.
"We are very excited about where this technology is
taking us," a spokesperson did not say.
THE RESPONSE PHASE
Following the customer's complaint, the utility activated
what analysts are calling its Tier One Acknowledgement Protocol (aka fuck the fuck off) —
a proprietary system capable of generating replies that successfully contain
words, arranged in sentence-like formations, while conveying no actionable / useful information whatsoever.
The message, described by sources close to the situation as
"technically a response," reportedly directed the customer toward
further resources without specifying what those resources were, why they were
relevant, or whether any human being had been involved in its composition.
"It's a masterclass in saying nothing at scale,"
noted one communications consultant, who asked not to be named because they
found the whole thing hilarious.
THE FEEDBACK GAMBIT
Undeterred, and perhaps emboldened by the success of Phase
One, the utility's customer experience division this week unveiled its most
ambitious initiative yet: asking the customer why they were upset.
The move, characterised by some as "audacious" and
others as "the customer service equivalent of poking a bear with a
stick," (FYI i am thjat bear, :-) ) - invited the aggrieved party to explain, in their own words, what
had gone wrong — a process the customer had, in fact, already attempted on two
prior occasions.
"We value every customer's feedback," said a press
release that almost certainly / or maybe exists somewhere.
ANALYST COMMENT
Markets remained largely unmoved. The customer, however, was
not impressed.
— Ends —
For further information, please contact Donnelly’s press
office, who will send you a generic reply sometime later this year or maybe within
3-5 working days depending on who you are and where you are from.
On a wider front please tell
