Hallions

What is a Hallion?

A hallion is a creature of uncertain origin and even more uncertain habits. In Ireland—especially in the North—the term refers to an affable rogue: a person who is slightly chaotic, occasionally questionable, but undeniably charming all the same. (There are alternative, less complimentary definitions in circulation. We will be ignoring those completely.) A hallion is the person who means well, usually arrives late, and can hold court in any kitchen — provided the kettle works and the place isn’t spotless.

‘Practical’ Hallion Housekeeping

Housekeeping is overrated. It is drudgery. It is a trap laid by the organised to pressure the rest of us. The hallion’s first line of defence is light management:

• A 25-watt bulb can make any room appear respectable.
• Two 25-watt bulbs in opposite corners and you’re approaching glamour.

Distance is your friend. The further the lamp is from the mess, the more spiritual you appear. The hallion also embraces low-friction domestic innovation: Paper plates are ideal: - eat off them, - burn them, - or use them to catch mice (a tiny dab of something sticky is crucial). Selective vision is another essential skill. - Look only at the clean bits, and the rest will follow. Hallion housekeeping is not about perfection. It is about survival, improvisation, and managing expectations—mostly your own.

My Forthcoming Book Housekeeping for Hallions

A handbook of domestic wisdom for the professional disorganised, the artistically inclined, and the spiritually indifferent.

Housekeeping for Hallions gathers decades of:

• lived North Ireland experience
• practical shortcuts
• low-effort solutions
• low-effort humour
• and the eternal truth that life is too short for polishing brass /anything

The book is expected to be released January. If you’d like to be notified of the exact launch date, you can drop me a line via the Contact page.