THE DEPARTMENT OF NOT OUR PROBLEM All the news that isn't anyone's responsibility

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AREA POTHOLE ENTERS THIRD YEAR OF DISTINGUISHED PUBLIC SERVICE, RECEIVES NO FORMAL RECOGNITION

Local infrastructure feature described as "basically part of the community now" as responsible parties confirm matter is under review, being monitored, and absolutely not their fault

BELFAST, 31 March 2026 — A pothole, understood to have first opened in late 2022 following what meteorological records confirm was rain — a rare and unforeseeable event in North Ireland — has this week marked another quiet milestone, continuing to exist despite the combined awareness of local councillors, two separate roads departments, and a residents' group whose emails have been described by insiders as "received."

The pothole, which began life as a modest surface irregularity and has since developed into what one local described as "its own postcode," sits at a location that multiple authorities have confirmed is either the responsibility of the council, the roads service, a legacy body from a previous administrative reorganisation, or possibly the EU (remember them), depending on who you ask and whether they have had their lunch.

"We are aware of the issue," said a spokesperson for an organisation that has been aware of the issue for considerably longer than the issue has been comfortable with.

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A BRIEF HISTORY

Late 2022: Pothole forms. A passing motorist reports it via the official online portal, receiving an automated acknowledgement and a reference number that will never be mentioned again.

Early 2023: A second motorist reports the pothole, unaware that it has already been reported. It now has two reference numbers, which is two more than it has had repairs.

Spring 2023: A local councillor is photographed standing next to the pothole. The photograph appears in a local newspaper under the headline "Something Must Be Done." Nothing is done.

Summer 2023: Another local councillor is photographed standing next to the pothole. The photograph appears in a local newspaper under the headline "Maybe Something Must Be Done." Nothing is done.

Summer 2023: The pothole is filled, partially, with a substance that lasts eleven days before the next rainfall, which occurs the following morning, because this is North Ireland.

Autumn 2023: The pothole returns, larger, and some observers feel, angrier.

Autumn 2023: Another local councillor is photographed standing well back form the pothole. The photograph appears in a local newspaper under the headline "Danger We Must Do Something." Nothing is done.

2024: A resident submits a Freedom of Information request to establish who is responsible for the pothole. The response arrives four months later, identifies three possible responsible bodies, and suggests the resident contact each of them directly.

Early 2025: The resident contacts each of them directly. Two do not respond. One sends a generic acknowledgement.

Late 2025: The pothole is now being used as a landmark. "Turn left at the crater, you can't miss it."

March 2026: This article is published. The pothole is unavailable for comment but is understood to have no plans to leave.

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THE INFRASTRUCTURE IN NUMBERS

• 1 pothole, originally
• 3 departments with plausible responsibility
• too many Councillors photographs with zero responsibility
  
• 0 departments with confirmed responsibility
• 4 reports submitted via official channels
• 4 automated acknowledgements received
• 1 partial repair, lasting 11 days
• 2 more unknown councillors photographed in the vicinity
• 0 councillors photographed repairing it
• ∞ days it has been "under review"

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EXPERT ANALYSIS

Road surface engineers consulted by the Department confirmed that potholes of this nature are typically caused by water ingress, freeze-thaw cycles, and heavy traffic — all three of which are well-documented features of the North Irish climate and road network, and therefore could not reasonably have been anticipated by anyone. Except this road sees an odd tractor or pheasant.

"The road was not designed to experience weather," one source did not say, but might as well have.

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THE BROADER PICTURE

The Department wishes to note that the pothole in question is not alone. It is part of a rich and diverse ecosystem of unaddressed road surface events spread across the country, each with its own reference number, its own ignored report, and its own small but dedicated community of people who have stopped expecting anything to happen and have simply begun driving around them with the quiet resignation of a people who have learned not to want too much from their roads.

In this sense, the pothole is not merely a hole in a road.

It is a philosophy.

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RIGHT OF REPLY

The Department extended an invitation to comment to the relevant roads authority, the local council, the Department for Infrastructure, and the office of the relevant elected representative.

At time of publication, we had received one out of office reply, one automated acknowledgement, and a profound silence that spoke, frankly, for itself.

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WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

Nothing, in all likelihood. Though we will report on it when it doesn't.

— Ends —

The Department of Not Our Problem covers all matters that fall between the cracks — much like rainwater into an unrepaired road surface, accelerating the very damage that no one is responsible for.

Last edition: Utility companies and the bold new frontier of them not knowing whether you've paid your bill.

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I'm particularly fond of "The pothole is not merely a hole in a road. It is a philosophy." and the infrastructure numbers table - feck sake, maybe down the road - if we don't hit a pothole ;-)

 

Govt = Unwilling, Unable, Unnecessary

Who said the Government is:

the Unwilling appointed by
the Unable to do
the Unnecessary

- one of the primary beauties of the Internet is that accountability has become accountable... (if only people could count or in some cases even read (aka too many American idiots distorting the statistics)

All Govt is useless IMHO – be an idiot - pay tax / rates if you want / are an idiot, *more on that later…

In this vein my own personal experience has now morphed into a little pseudo fledgling Dept just for the 6 Counties. Be advised: at the end of the year I will organise a vote for the Dept of the Year.

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Donnelly acting as Minister of the Public Facing Office of the semi-Permanent Under-Secretary for Communications and Announcements

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THE DEPARTMENT OF NOT OUR PROBLEM OFFICIALLY LAUNCHES, CONFIRMING WHAT MANY HAVE LONG SUSPECTED

New body pledges to document, in exhaustive detail, all matters that relevant authorities have determined are somebody else's responsibility

BELFAST, 31 March 2026 — The Department of Not Our Problem today announced its formal establishment, filling a critical gap in the public information landscape that officials across multiple tiers of government have repeatedly confirmed is not their gap to fill.

The Department, which has been described by its initiators as "entirely unnecessary" and having no elected representative (baggage / dumb mf) whatsoever, will serve as the official record of ongoing issues, chronic failures, and preventable problems that have been collectively determined — by those with the power and budget to address them — to fall outside their current remit, strategic priorities, or frankly their interest or ability, maybe even their - anterograde amnesia - the inability to create new memories after an event that caused amnesia - aka a handful of cash..all right Sammy...

"We exist," said a spokesperson, "because one has to, or not, it is Zen."

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MISSION STATEMENT

The Department of Not Our Problem is committed to the rigorous, impartial, and mildly furious documentation of:

• Infrastructure that was supposed to be fixed
• Systems that were supposed to work
• Communications that were supposed to contain information
• Departments that were supposed to care

Our editorial position is one of weary neutrality. We do not take sides. We simply note, with a raised eyebrow and a heavy sigh, what is happening, and then contrast it with what was supposed to be happening. In the current climate there is no political - a$$holes are a$$holes when it comes to ineptitude.. don't crowd me... don't crowd me...

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WHY NOW

When asked why the Department was launching at this particular moment, a founding editor paused, gestured broadly at everything, and said: "Have you been outside driving about recently or trying to park?" is it not pre April's Fool s Day - is that not the day the veil between assholes and reality is the thinest.. ah feck that is Halloween... let's go on anyway...

Analysts confirmed this was sufficient justification.

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COVERAGE AREAS

The Department will initially focus on a few hip flagship beats:

🔌 Utilities & Billing — covering the innovative frontier of companies who cannot determine whether a bill has been paid, and the customer service infrastructure built to not address your concerns about this.

🕳️ Roads & Infrastructure — with particular attention to the pothole as a civic institution; its origins, its growth, its community impact, and the rich tradition of doing absolutely nothing about it.

🕳️ Parking- Councils paying assholes or vice versa

Further trajectories are expected to emerge organically, as they always do, because there is no shortage of material. We'd be glad to hear from you if it is sort of half sensible.

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A NOTE ON ACCOUNTABILITY

The Department wishes to make clear that it holds no regulatory power, no enforcement capability, and no official standing of any kind.

In this respect, it is not entirely unlike several bodies that do.

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ABOUT THE DEPARTMENT

The Department of Not Our Problem is an independent entity dedicated to covering the vast administrative space between "someone should do something about this" and "someone doing something about this." and "someone doing fuck all /nothing about this."

We are not affiliated with any Government Department, utility provider, local council, or other body — largely because none of them have responded to our requests for comment (or sponsorshop)

They are all in Portrush or Bundoran ;-) - whatever..

All the news that isn't anyone's responsibility.

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— Ends —

Press / any enquiries: please submit your question via the online form, allow 5-7 working days for a generic acknowledgement, and a further 28 days for a response that does not address your question.

Although  - https://www.dd.ie/p/contact.html

Case#0001 - Power NI - Tighten The Fuck Up

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Donnelly's Communications Division

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Local 6 Counties Utility Provider Pioneers Bold New Strategy Of Telling Paid-Up Customer Their Bill Is Unpaid

Industry observers divided on whether this represents "innovation" or "a basic systems failure"

BELFAST, 31 March 2026 — In what internal sources are describing as "a landmark moment in post-payment customer engagement," a leading electric utility provider this week successfully dispatched not one but two SMS notifications to a customer who had already paid their bill in full, industry sources have confirmed.

The customer, who had committed the apparent oversight of settling their account in a timely and correct manner, was subsequently informed by automated message that action may be required — despite no action being required.

"We are very excited about where this technology is taking us," a spokesperson did not say.

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THE RESPONSE PHASE

Following the customer's complaint, the utility activated what analysts are calling its Tier One Acknowledgement Protocol (aka fuck the fuck off) — a proprietary system capable of generating replies that successfully contain words, arranged in sentence-like formations, while conveying no actionable / useful information whatsoever.

The message, described by sources close to the situation as "technically a response," reportedly directed the customer toward further resources without specifying what those resources were, why they were relevant, or whether any human being had been involved in its composition.

"It's a masterclass in saying nothing at scale," noted one communications consultant, who asked not to be named because they found the whole thing hilarious.

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THE FEEDBACK GAMBIT

Undeterred, and perhaps emboldened by the success of Phase One, the utility's customer experience division this week unveiled its most ambitious initiative yet: asking the customer why they were upset.

The move, characterised by some as "audacious" and others as "the customer service equivalent of poking a bear with a stick," (FYI i am thjat bear, :-) ) - invited the aggrieved party to explain, in their own words, what had gone wrong — a process the customer had, in fact, already attempted on two prior occasions.

"We value every customer's feedback," said a press release that almost certainly / or maybe exists somewhere.

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ANALYST COMMENT

Markets remained largely unmoved. The customer, however, was not impressed.

— Ends —

For further information, please contact Donnelly’s press office, who will send you a generic reply sometime later this year or maybe within  3-5 working days depending on who you are and where you are from.

On a wider front please tell THE DEPARTMENT OF NOT OUR PROBLEM 

Housekeeping for Hallions

Housekeeping for Hallions is a guide to living with less effort and more intent. The word hallion is of unknown origin; in Ireland the term refers to an affable character who may be slightly chaotic, yet undeniably charming. Hallions are not given to depending on what other people think. They may be dishevelled or disorganised and live in a state of disorder by choice -- kind to nearly everyone, content to live alone up a long lane with nearly nothing but ideally without a cross bank.

Des Donnelly is an Irish poet born, raised, and residing in Co Tyrone. His writing life has moved between the factual, the technical, and the imaginative -- each mode sharpening his attention to how language stores meaning, distorts it, and occasionally breaks under its own weight. His work is guided by a framework he calls creative gravity: the archive is not a collection but a curvature, where each piece alters the shape of the whole and nothing is ever wasted.

Please see  https://hallions.ie/

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Giddy Up Tidy Up

California robotics startup Figure AI has released a striking new demo of its Figure 03 humanoid robot - powered by the proprietary Helix 02 vision-language-action AI - autonomously tidying an entire living room without any human intervention or task-specific coding.

In the 4K footage, the robot performs a series of complex, interlinked tasks including spraying and wiping surfaces, tossing pillows back onto a sofa, and organising scattered toys Humanoids Daily - all at human pace. What makes this significant is how it learns: Helix 02 did not require new algorithms or specialised programming for the task, instead learning strategies from examples and applying them across different situations.

https://www.figure.ai/